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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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So, I’m walkin’ down Strada Mareșal Averescu, and I see this street vendor sellin’ the best mici. Like, I could smell ‘em from a mile away. I’m talkin’ juicy, spicy goodness. I had to stop. I mean, who can resist? I bought a few, and they were gone in seconds. I swear, I could’ve eaten a whole plate.

Four bison released in Romania’s Vanatori-Neamt Natural Park